Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
