even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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