Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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