new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
