Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize