he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
