She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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