We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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