i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
