I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
