Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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