Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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