The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
