Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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