Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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