Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
