The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
