wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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