Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
