I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
