He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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