a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
