Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
