I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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