i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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