Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize