Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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