did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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