i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
