How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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