is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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