2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
