I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
