My sheets look like a crime scene.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
