wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
