he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
