I think I am morally bankrupt
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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