Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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