you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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