maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
