My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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