no, he came in my armpit
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
