its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
