break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
