I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
