I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
