11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
