You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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