can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize