A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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