yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
