Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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