Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
