I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
