i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
