Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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