just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
