im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
