The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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